This past April, I took the long-distance out of my long-distance relationship. For more than two years, my Washington D. The circumstances of my move weren't exactly ideal—we'd agreed I'd be the one moving for various reasons, but I did it with 24 hours' notice because my apartment building caught fire and was condemned.
Still, we were finally in the same city! BYE, five-hour bus rides filled with obnoxious passengers and shoddy Wi-Fi! Miss ya never. Even though it was sudden, the transition was still smooth because like any love and sex writer worth her salt, I'd made sure we talked about pretty much every aspect of it beforehand. Here, 16 questions you should ask if you're about to go through the same thing. Minus the fire part. That wasn't fun. While some couples make the jump from a long-distance relationship to moving in together , others see relocating as a big enough step on its own.
Both are perfectly fine options, but if you choose the latter, know that people might think there's trouble in paradise. One friend actually told me she thought there was something wrong because we'd decided not to move in together yet. But I knew that moving into my own place in a new city would give me more of a chance to carve out a life for myself, so I did it anyway, and it's been awesome.
Visiting each other during a long-distance relationship usually means soaking up every single second of togetherness. Being in each other's presence is a precious gift, and you treat it as such. But when you live in the same city, at some point you'll both need alone time. That's easy enough when you live apart, but if you'll live together, figure out if there's enough space for both of you to hang out alone if you need to. In those cases it can feel like whoever's already living in the place has more ownership, so it's good to get to the bottom of that beforehand.
Don't think of living together as some nebulous goal that you're one step closer to—talk about when you'd ideally both want to do it if all goes well once you're in the same city. Washington D. But it has some pretty amazing draws, like housing options bigger than Harry Potter's cupboard under the stairs and feeling like I'm on Scandal when I walk past the Capitol.
I'd fallen in love with D. But for almost half—43 percent—the move wasn't worth it and they wouldn't do it over. Twenty-three percent split after the move, 18 percent said relocating failed to save their rocky relationship, 17 percent disliked their new location, and 11 percent even fell in love with someone else.
Before you freak about an impending move, it's not always bad, says renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel, New York Times bestselling author of The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Ultimately, it's about where your values lie. Here, 15 women share what happened after the move that was supposed to lead to their happily ever after:.
We talked a lot before, during, and after to make sure my move was as much about the new location as it was about him. Which was good, because we split amicably a couple years later. But I'm still head-over-heels in love with the Pacific Northwest. He forgot to say he'd been seeing someone else. For four months. It took a while to claw my way back from that one! My one piece of advice: Do NOT move for a partner. We asked men and women what they think of farting in relationships. Learn what they had to say:.
He moved and I followed one month later, leaving behind my dream job. Five years later and I'm still running my business full-time. He had family here and I didn't. Luckily, my own amazing faraway family helped me get into an apartment here when we broke up. My takeaway was the balance of power is really skewed toward the partner with greater financial security and connections in the city duh, I guess. But I don't regret the move, actually.
I had to cultivate a lot of independence and maturity after I was single again. Being able to transfer his work skills was a great benefit in being able to jump into their new life, he said. It all absolutely worked out for the best.
If the couple is certain this is the right move, there are some strategies for making success more likely, Orbuch said, starting with discussing expectations before the move. Finances are a key piece of this up-front talk. Being honest about how much money you make and how much you can spend on a move is an important step in avoiding the temptation to turn to credit cards and debt to fund the move. Regular money communication is key and it goes a long way to reduce stress and anxiety around money.
When it happened I felt more alone than I have ever felt with no support system nearby to run to or talk to. Identifying a community to move into made a big difference for Block. For her it was the gay community where her wife was an active member. I don't think everyone has something, though, like if you're a foodie that doesn't automatically plug you in.
Nashville-based writer Kristin Luna created her own community when she moved to San Francisco for her now-husband — with some advance planning. Luna chose to give it a year before committing to the move from New York.
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