Recovering from them can be a long and arduous journey. One particularly challenging aspect is the difficulty that many experience when attempting to move forward with their lives and getting their exes out of their thoughts. The ones who typically have trouble thinking about the ex are the ones who were broken up with, as opposed to the ones who did the breaking up or the ones who were divorced as opposed to the one who made the decision to divorce.
The most obvious one is to avoid all contact with the ex, but this is not possible in cases where there are children involved, and one must coordinate with the ex. Here are a few suggestions that can apply to all breakups whether between boyfriend and girlfriend or in divorce with children:.
While those with children must be in contact, one can still stay away from the ex as much as possible by avoiding all social media contact or following such as on Facebook or Twitter. I recommend that those struggling with thoughts about the ex immerse themselves in personal development, such as by getting in shape with fitness and diet, meditating, and reading books on personal development. The key term here is personal. The purpose is for the one struggling to think about the ex to focus on themself and away from the other person.
However, they are not there to help one understand what is really going on inside. It is completely normal, and awareness is the first step in recovering. Most of the time, most of us are motivated by fear, whether we realize it or not. Should we buy this or that, can we afford it, do we have the money, should we ask that person out, will they say yes or no, can I handle the rejection, should I ask for that raise, will my boss say no, will I get fired, will it impact my job… all fear behind the scenes.
If we lose that person, then we will be single, sad, lonely, and lost forever because there might not be anyone else to fill that void in our lives and hearts. So we hold onto our ex almost with hope keeping those fears at bay. This being said, when we go through a break up most of us are not doing the healthy work to process our feelings, the fears, and the emotions that come with the loss and grief.
Depending on how long you two were together, you have things in your house they gave you, and you have songs and shows that remind you of them. You two did activities and went places together. Your life can be a living museum of sorts to your ex, so everywhere you look reminds you of them. When we go through a breakup, not only do we need to do the work to release and process the emotions in a healthy way, but we also need to let go of the photos, trinkets, stop listening to the songs and hide the reminders.
You might have to burn the photos or hide them out of sight. You need time without constant reminders so you can start generating new thoughts separate from that relationship. Do the work to uncover what really went on. You cannot control how your ex feels about you or whether or not the relationship will work out. Surrender control to the universe, to the higher good, and a larger plan for your life.
Image the universe is clearing the space in your life your ex once occupied so you have room for something even better. Coltrane Lord. For example, a person who is looking for a savior because they are insecure or needy will certainly call in a partner who is looking to be a savior who wants to feel needed or valued.
This would be the perfect environment for unconscious wounds to eventually come up to challenge the relationships.
Unfortunately, a partner to fill a hole is only an external bandage that will temporarily cover a need. The relationship will certainly trigger any unhealed wounds that are often the triggers that lead to difficult breakups. People who cannot stop thinking about their exes after the breakup has shown that their source of happiness comes from another partner instead of within themself.
So if you are still obsessed with your partner, it would be a great practice to understand what part of you they were fulfilling and start becoming that very attribute you are missing. Dating Expert and Editor, Mantelligence. When you just came from a breakup, the normal reaction is to feel depressed and angry that the relationship came to a close.
But most often than not, people tend to think about their ex for months, even sometimes years, after the breakup. When a relationship ends, it could often feel like you are losing a friend too. This is particularly true among couples who had built a strong friendship before entering into a relationship. The good news is, you can still be friends, just allow time to heal the wounds. You enjoyed how the relationship changed you and turned you into a mature person.
It might be a time in your life when you felt happiest since you had someone who loved you. But when you start to rediscover yourself and find your happiness, you begin to feel that joy once again. And this time, learn not to depend your happiness on how someone makes you feel. Just remember that they are your ex for a reason. And this is so you can learn from the experience and grow from it.
Things will be better soon. President, Select Date Society. Many singles have a difficult time moving on after a break-up. Thinking about your ex is completely normal to some extent. You were genuinely in love. When you are truly in love with someone and find yourself heartbroken, you will need time to heal. Seek out a good therapist to help you work through things. The hormone cocktail in your head have you thinking about them. When you have chemistry with someone, your brain releases dopamine and other chemicals that are extremely powerful.
Your ex had influence over you. You may have looked to your ex for advice or to make decisions, and you have to get comfortable doing things on your own. You miss the sex. When you had a great sex life that is suddenly gone, you miss it! Your memory is better than reality. When you think about your ex, your memory may be selective. You remember the good things but forget about the bad.
Your future looks different now. You may have planned your future with your ex as a major part of it, and now you need to start re-imagining what the future holds. You tend to overthink things. You are analytical by nature, and you have a hard time not playing things over and over in your head. You had a great relationship. You had a toxic relationship. When you are in an unhealthy relationship that involves a roller-coaster of emotions, it can cause you to miss the chaos of the relationship.
You are afraid to move on. There is a multitude of reasons why when a breakup happens, your focus is on your ex. Depending on the length of the relationship and levels of emotional intimacy you guys had, suddenly losing a relationship in your life is a shock to your whole system. If your relationship has gone through trauma together, intense life events, and you guys had a strong bond, that alone can have you thinking about your Ex for months after the breakup.
If you and your partner went through something traumatic and you guys leaned on each other for support, you might be experiencing a trauma bond. If you and your partner were very emotionally connected and supported one another, and suddenly that support is gone, that is devastating and even scary. Weight Loss. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Taraji P. Accessible Beauty Products For All. Seriously, why can't I stop thinking about my ex?
You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Related Story. Gabby Shacknai Gabby Shacknai is a New York-based journalist and editor who produces high-quality content for a wide variety of outlets and brands across various industries. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses.
You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. If you're wondering how much time it'll take you to get over your ex, there's a widely accepted way to figure it out: divide the duration of your relationship by two. By that point, your friends and favorite women's magazines will tell you, you will be OK -- whatever that means. Well, what if you're not? Are you supposed to feel guilty or pathetic for feeling how you feel?
That would certainly make you feel worse, right? It might seem obvious that there are dozens of other factors that contribute to how long you'll be suffering, but most people in the aftermath of a breakup will tell you how frustrating it is if they surpass that invisible prescribed guideline. Why am I still so upset? Why does the sound of his name still make my pulse quicken? Why would I still take him back in a second? They feel pitiful and hopeless, like "pining" will be their new default state of being, like this grieving will never end.
Researchers at the University of Berkeley found that your brain in love is the same as your brain when it's been wired for reward -- the reward, that is, being an interaction with your ex.
The fact that the reward isn't coming doesn't stop your brain from wanting it, from trying to get it. It seems like it's not "love" that's the drug; it's your ex. And you're experiencing some painful withdrawal. Is the relationship-divided-by-two mark anywhere near accurate, or are you doomed to suffer indefinitely? On her website, Elly Prior, a BACP British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy accredited couple's counselor, cites seven main factors that will influence how hard it'll be to get over your failed relationship:.
How quickly you'll be able to recover depends on even more factors: Is this your first breakup? How well do you behave toward each other? Are there other stresses in your life? How supportive are your coworkers, friends and family?
Do you have property or possessions to divide? How well do you communicate with each other?
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